I needed somewhere to express how I am feeling. This is a place where I can say whatever I want without repercussion.

I love two men. I am married. I have a child. The other man I am in love with is married and has a child on the way.

You may say I am a bad person, some days I agree with you. So many times I have tried to break the attachment I have to Dom (that’s his name by the way – Dominic Williams) but always I can’t stay away. Neither of us can. One of us always breaks the silence.

We’ve never slept together. We’ve, how would you say it, pashed..necked..made out? Nothing really fits. We’ve met in the dark in the playground behind the dairy near his house and there was some seriously heavy petting going on in those rendezvous’s. Followed by long silent minutes where we just stood there our arms entwined, not wanting to go back to our other lives. It’s been a few years since we did that something like 7 or 8 years I think.

It killed me when he told me he had got engaged. The rock in my stomach wouldn’t go away for days but I had to act happy didn’t I. I have never asked if he felt the same way when I got engaged. The rock came back when I heard the news that they were having a baby. That was during one of the many non-contact silences we’ve had over the years so I found out from my husband who had heard the news from his mother who had heard the news from Dom’s mother.

Oh yes, that’s right, another twist, my husband’s mother is good friends with Dom’s mother. Their families used to go camping together in the summer holidays.

I’ve known Dominic since 3rd form, we met through sport and college. At one stage I was in love with his best friend and they used to come and visit me in the middle of the night. Ah, the things we do as teenagers huh? I don’t think he liked me very much back then.

I can’t actually remember when things changed or how this all began. There has always been a case of bad timing though. At one stage in college we were very close to actually going out officially but his best friend, the same one that I used to be involved with, said something to him and basically discouraged him. Needless to say things hadn’t ended amicably between myself and his best friend. By the time Dominic realised his friend was an arse for saying whatever he said it was too late and I was with the guy I was with before I met the man I eventually married.

I know it started in either 5th or 6th Form (with him being in 6th or 7th Form as he is a year older than me) and that we used to have moments in the school darkroom. God I loved those days. You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when something exciting happens, that butterfly feeling? That’s the feeling I used to get and for a long time, years after, still got when I thought back to those stolen moments in the dark.

What about our partners? As far as we know they don’t have a clue. He’s told me that he loves her and I’ve told him that I love my husband. And we love each other.

The love that lasts the longest is the love that can never be.